Single? Don't Mumble

Everyone experienced being single. Somewhere in our lives there were occasions when love and relationships were nowhere to be found. And I for one was also involve and a member of the singles club. In my previous blog entry, I wrote some of my experiences when I was still emotionally alone. I must say that during those times, I was frustrated, depressed and sad for not having that special someone. But in spite of that lacking aspect in my adult life, how did I survive all these?

Being single is not a curse for one to carry. It is even a privilege and an opportunity. In this phase, one can improve one’s self in preparation for the relationship. Years ago I had read the book entitled “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris. It was an interesting book to begin with. The title itself is catchy and its contents are amazing. Reading this book was my eye opener on how to make the most of my singleness.

So let me share to you a little portion of the book’s lesson and how exactly did I applied it.

• The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. I want to do things as fast as I can. So when I tend to see couples before being oh so sweet, I tend to hastily join a romantic chat room and chat with a guy hoping he would be my next boyfriend. And guess what, every time, it failed and I end up being more depressed. The book inculcated the virtue of delaying gratification. The world might deliver us instant results even in the course of relationships but it can’t guarantee results. I am a girl who believes in happy ever after even if it might seem vague and impossible. And I know for sure, that making such hasty decisions can also pave the way of a hasty ending relationship. Thus I was driven to wait until the right man comes at the right time.

• Any season of singleness is a gift. This is very true. It is in this phase where I did maximize my freedom. Thoughts of being single mostly occupied my mind but doing stuffs that you can while in this state and putting it in action can swipe the thoughts away. I tend to do different things. I enrolled myself in music lessons particularly the violin and the arts. I was inculcating the thought that it would be wonderful to add a skill or two so when the one comes, he would see more.

• Making the most of your singleness. As I had indicated in the previous bullet, I learned totally new lessons to insert on my free times. And I was also a professional working then. Being in a relationship means loving someone new. Being single means loving someone old. So I tend to spend more time with my family. I immediately rush home after school and bond with my brother and parents when they get back from work. I tend to spend weekends with my closest college friends and hang out. It was like the moment of bonding for individuals who were already dear to me.

See? Being single after all is a fun time for you and for your family and friends. I know keeping yourself busy can also be a big help to suffice your single time. Just make sure that when you keep yourself busy, you are enjoying yourself in the process. A simple note, you don’t need that special someone to make you smile. If you can’t make yourself happy then how can you be assured when the right man comes, you can also make him happy?

As an add-on note, love yourself. It’s the best thing you can give and do for the meantime. Stay positive and good luck in finding the man of your dreams.

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Single Before, Not Anymore

Not so long ago, I was single. No boyfriend, no mutual understandings, no flings and no relationship. I can’t imagine how habitual my routine was two months ago (based on the date when this blog post was written).

I woke up on different times based on my teaching schedule, head to work, teach different college levels, check papers, prepare for tomorrow’s lecture and head home to have dinner and rest. Once in a while I get to hang out with some of my friends for a little eating session or perhaps with my students with their various activities.

With the whole 24 hours given to me, I always have time for everything. I even have time to go on a date with someone. But the big problem is I don’t know who to date. With the excess baggage I had with my previous relationships and the turmoil I had gone through, it was at this point in time that I had given up hopes to enter a new one. It was already inculcated in my mind that men are the same jerks on different physiques and faces. Trust me, I feared relationship and I am afraid to fall. It then turned out to be a principle. To become single the rest of my life and simply make the most out of it.

But on the other side of the coin, I found myself envious with other girls who have another hand holding theirs, who goes to the movies with another arm wrapped around them and simply being there for them. At times, I often asked myself, “What’s wrong with me that until now I don’t have a boyfriend?” Such anxiety and frustration often led me to go to chat rooms and web forums to hopefully find my man. But it all ends in vain. And once again, I was back in the depression atmosphere, failed and frustrated.

To keep me going and look those girls with their boyfriends in the eye, I tend to faithfully stick with my principle. I guess being single had its own sets of advantages for my case.

• I have lots of alone time
• I can go wherever I want without asking consent from someone
• I tend to enjoy my movie time more
• I work and do things at my own pace
• I don’t remember special dates
• I am free

Little did I know that by the moment I tend to literally gave up on that relationship thought and be single for the rest of my life, something unexpected would come. At first I didn’t thought that this could be it. Someone new appeared in my yahoo messenger message window stating who his name was and he got my YM ID from a group site. I was hesitant to chat with this new stranger, but I guess it would do no harm if I will casually talk with him and hopefully be friends. Funny how wonderful things can come in such the strangest way.

Such action alone was actually the start of me being single NO MORE.

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